Life is not always meant for us to understand...

You're probably wondering why I posted a picture of a "present", but it's a lot more than that. Most people don't know this story, but I've thought about it for a while and something is compelling me to share it. I'm not doing it because I want sympathy or anything like that, but to show that while we don't always understand why things happen, God always has a bigger plan. Four years ago last night, I layed in a hospital bed and delivered a baby girl. On our way to the hospital, we were fully aware that she would never take a breath. Her name was Summer J. Scott, she was 12 inches long and weighed about a pound. We knew at 9 wks that something was wrong, but it was a few months later that the Dr.s determined she had Turners Syndrome. We were told that I would get to about 8 months and her heart would probably stop beating. Although I didn't make it that far, her heart did stop beating. Oddly enough, I knew exactly when it happened. Colt and I had really prepared ourselves for what we had to do that day and although it was just like a normal, induced delivery; in our minds it was more like some type of procedure. I guess that was our defense mechanism. As those months of being pregnant went by, we learned several things. Probably the most important was that it's not always our job to understand why God does what he does. He's God, it's his prerogative and it's our job to determine how we will handle the outcome. They always say that major tragedies will either make or break a relationship and through this challenge, it only made us stronger as a couple. We saw sides of each other that we had never seen and opened up in ways that I never would have imagined. Looking back, I think that God knew we needed something to shake us up, and this is what it was. I also know that at that period in our lives, we were in a financial mess. Things would have been very different for her than they are for Ryder and Sydney and we wouldn't have been able to take advantage of many of the opportunities that were so blessed with today. I say all this because when life has you in the middle of a storm and it looks like there's no clear skies in sight, just be patient. We don't always get the answers, but I firmly believe that we learn the lessons that can lead us to a greater understanding about so many things.

Back to the "present"....Instead of having a funeral, we had her cremated and saved her ashes. We weren't sure what to do with them, but knew that it would be revealed to us at some point in the future. Last spring my mema past away and we decided to bury her ashes with mema. When my dad ordered the headstone, he decided to have her name put on there also; I thought that was awesome. I guess the reason I wanted to write about this was because sometimes I feel a bit of guilt because I don't ever want her to be forgotten, but at the same time it's not "casual conversation" material. I guess her birthday just made me think about it. The flip side to all of this is that God has chosen to bless Colt and I with 2 beautiful children and we both feel that our lives couldn't be better. Our lives go on, business as usual, but she will never be forgotten; it's awesome to know that we will still get to meet her someday!